I have had many people in life who believe in me and my potential for success. That belief has been a major source of motivation for me as well. Not a day goes by that I do not think about my future and where I hope to be in 5 years. Unfortunately, the desire to be more successful has sent me in a downward spiral of depression.
There has consistently been people who tell me how I should pursue objectives in life in order to be a success. This constant support has created a sense of urgency within me. This urgency has then made each day feel like a failure. Allow me to elaborate:
A coworker asks me at the beginning of the day if I had found a better job yet. Then, later that evening a family member tells me that I need to go back to school. Not only go back to school, but go to a “better” one than I went to before. At the end of the day I go back to my tiny apartment and reflect on how I haven’t moved forward yet. My bank accounts are nearly empty, my refrigerator is hardly stocked, there are job rejection emails in my inbox, and there are bills waiting to be paid.
I wake up the next morning and hit repeat.
A few days ago, a close friend of mine had noticed that I was no longer “Miss Optimistic” and instead now “Miss Gloom”. I had always been the bright and happy girl at work. I had a glow and a sense that everything will always be okay. Recently however, my appearance and attitude gave the impression that I was facing many internal struggles. My friend then told me something that would change the way I see myself and my current state of life:
“You completed a four-year college degree in two, you have a job that can at least pay the bills, a boyfriend that loves you, a family nearby, and are able to occasionally enjoy what the city has to offer. To me, that is doing well.”
She was right. I may not have achieved everything I want to obtain right now, but I am off to a decent start. I am proud of myself and the obstacles I have overcome.
I have not always done things the way others think they should be done. Furthermore, I will continue to complete stages in life the way I see fit for me.
In conclusion, I still believe in myself. That is success.